"Beloved person does not save us from anything: it should not save.
Jorge Bukai
If I grew up in a dysfunctional family, I didn't get enough love and a feeling of being needed, just because I am. Because of this, my hunger for love and warmth is so great.
If, as a result of a dysfunctional parental family, my inner compass is disrupted and reality is distorted - love and intimate relationships are unknowingly associated with resentment, pain, fear, guilt.
Dependent Relationships
If I did not feel that my parents needed me for nothing, was not loved unconditionally - I learned to be necessary and functional for them, even to my detriment.
If my need to feel needed is great, I don't tend to take into account my other needs and my current state of mind.
If I am fortunate enough to find that unique other person who needs me, I am convinced I have found "the one, that will make me happy, that he/she is worth living for. All this produces a rush of euphoria, which acts on me like a drug.
If my need of my own necessity is the leader - I'm permanently fixed on how the Other is with me. at this I do not think about how I am with this Other.
If I am fixated in our contact with my partner, forgetting about myself, I form a dependent relationship. I tend to "dissolve" in a relationship.
If I am in a dependent relationship I am driven primarily by the need to preserve the relationship rather than the desire to feel pleasure and joy in it.
If I am emotionally dependent and have little control over the object of my dependence, I try to control the object and feel anger when I don't. Then I feel remorse and guilt.
If I'm in a dependent relationship where I occasionally manage to feel needed-all the other parts of my life devalue in comparison to that relationship. It's easy for me to give up my job, studies, and friends for the sake of the one I love.
If I manage to feel needed in a dependent relationship, I will pay dearly for that relationship: with my desires, feelings, needs, comfort. Day by day, little by little, I'm destroying myself.
If I feel I am needed, I will be ready to break down my boundaries, practically eliminating the word "no" from my vocabulary no matter what the context.
If my need to be needed drives me, I have no chance of choosing the person I need, I will only focus on those who need me.
If in my choices I prioritize those who need me - my field of choice will include partners who are deficient, complicated, infantile. Whereas the filled and resilient ones won't get.
If I regularly choose those who need me for something, I'm in a relationship with an imbalanced give and take, where I regularly give a lot.
If the balance in my relationships is upset, sooner or later I become desolate, apathetic, unwell, and often experience resentment, fear, and pain. Of course, I don't tell my partner about these feelings.
If I build a dependent relationship in which I experience a lot of intense painful affects - I see my partner's responsibility for how traumatic a relationship I'm in. I do not take responsibility for it.
If I am used to having strong negative feelings in close relationships, I am used to a regular release of endogenous opiates into my bloodstream, stress satellites. I find the greater amplitude of emotional fluctuations attractive, and I find healthy relationships and partners boring and not "turning me on.
If I've been through the circles of an addictive relationship several times and realize that much of the above applies to me, I'm already on my way out of the emotional addiction.
If I'm on this path - I realize that I can't do it alone. So I'm looking for support, reconnecting socially.
I go to therapy to learn to notice myself, to learn to take care of myself, to enliven my sensitivity and to "live it out The feelings I have learned from my dysfunctional family, which I have been suppressing for years.
As a result of therapy, my need to be in a dependent relationship is leveled out, which means that I start to see other partners who are healthier and more stable. And the poisonous euphoria - there will be no more, that's the price of my choice.
Author Maria Mukhina
"Beloved person does not save us from anything: it should not save.
Jorge Bukai
If I grew up in a dysfunctional family, I didn't get enough love and a feeling of being needed, just because I am. Because of this, my hunger for love and warmth is so great.
If, as a result of a dysfunctional parental family, my inner compass is disrupted and reality is distorted - love and intimate relationships are unknowingly associated with resentment, pain, fear, guilt.
Dependent Relationships
If I did not feel that my parents needed me for nothing, was not loved unconditionally - I learned to be necessary and functional for them, even to my detriment.
If my need to feel needed is great, I don't tend to take into account my other needs and my current state of mind.
If I am fortunate enough to find that unique other person who needs me, I am convinced I have found "the one, that will make me happy, that he/she is worth living for. All this produces a rush of euphoria, which acts on me like a drug.
If my need of my own necessity is the leader - I'm permanently fixed on how the Other is with me. at this I do not think about how I am with this Other.
If I am fixated in our contact with my partner, forgetting about myself, I form a dependent relationship. I tend to "dissolve" in a relationship.
If I am in a dependent relationship I am driven primarily by the need to preserve the relationship rather than the desire to feel pleasure and joy in it.
If I am emotionally dependent and have little control over the object of my dependence, I try to control the object and feel anger when I don't. Then I feel remorse and guilt.
If I'm in a dependent relationship where I occasionally manage to feel needed-all the other parts of my life devalue in comparison to that relationship. It's easy for me to give up my job, studies, and friends for the sake of the one I love.
If I manage to feel needed in a dependent relationship, I will pay dearly for that relationship: with my desires, feelings, needs, comfort. Day by day, little by little, I'm destroying myself.
If I feel I am needed, I will be ready to break down my boundaries, practically eliminating the word "no" from my vocabulary no matter what the context.
If my need to be needed drives me, I have no chance of choosing the person I need, I will only focus on those who need me.
If in my choices I prioritize those who need me - my field of choice will include partners who are deficient, complicated, infantile. Whereas the filled and resilient ones won't get.
If I regularly choose those who need me for something, I'm in a relationship with an imbalanced give and take, where I regularly give a lot.
If the balance in my relationships is upset, sooner or later I become desolate, apathetic, unwell, and often experience resentment, fear, and pain. Of course, I don't tell my partner about these feelings.
If I build a dependent relationship in which I experience a lot of intense painful affects - I see my partner's responsibility for how traumatic a relationship I'm in. I do not take responsibility for it.
If I am used to having strong negative feelings in close relationships, I am used to a regular release of endogenous opiates into my bloodstream, stress satellites. I find the greater amplitude of emotional fluctuations attractive, and I find healthy relationships and partners boring and not "turning me on.
If I've been through the circles of an addictive relationship several times and realize that much of the above applies to me, I'm already on my way out of the emotional addiction.
If I'm on this path - I realize that I can't do it alone. So I'm looking for support, reconnecting socially.
I go to therapy to learn to notice myself, to learn to take care of myself, to enliven my sensitivity and to "live it out The feelings I have learned from my dysfunctional family, which I have been suppressing for years.
As a result of therapy, my need to be in a dependent relationship is leveled out, which means that I start to see other partners who are healthier and more stable. And the poisonous euphoria - there will be no more, that's the price of my choice.
Author Maria Mukhina