What is psychological compatibility and where to get it
Despite the continuing popularity of various compatibility tests, psychologists say that this is a myth and there is no perfect match.
Compatibility and deep understanding is always a lot of work together, and it's never too late to start if you value the relationship.
It would seem that it could be easier: if a need arises, just say it, convey your idea to the other person, because he is not clairvoyant enough to understand you without words.
But how seldom it happens. Only an infant can really claim to be so sensitive, because it is totally helpless and totally dependent on its mother, whose main task is precisely to sense and anticipate the needs of the infant. Without it, it just won't survive.
However, we are often surrounded by adults and quite sensible, at first sight, people who seriously believe that they deserve exactly this kind of all-understanding and all-forgiving attitude towards themselves. That is why manipulation, emotional blackmail, passive aggression and many other energy-consuming tricks are used.
And if the mechanism of communication is faulty, it must be repaired urgently. How to do it?
1. Avoid generalizations. In the heat of a quarrel there is a great temptation to generalize and stigmatize your partner on the basis of a single mistake, like "Oh, you are always so!.."But if you look around, it's not always, but only once, and then for a very specific reason, which you just need to look into. And don't forget to cleanse the common space of your own projections before you accuse your partner.
2. Say what you feel and express your needs. No one should guess what's in your heart. And hearing it personally from you, your partner will at least understand how his words and actions affect you, and he will not have to guess in suspense, what to prepare for (although many are used to this). Use self-messages. This is one of the most effective ways to prevent conflict, as it avoids the recriminations and accusations that often lurk in You-speak. In addition, a personal request or opinion is usually perceived more favorably by the interlocutor, and you have a better chance to be heard.
3. Take your share of responsibility for the relationship. Try taking the first step and listening to your partner. At first it is difficult, but when it becomes a habit, you will realize that it is worth it. You literally "unload" your partner, and it will be easier and more pleasant to deal with you. For example, if you lack tenderness, say so or try to express it yourself. Often the longing for tenderness and love masks our own repressed feelings, which many of us do not know how to express, expecting it from others. Well, it's never too late to learn.
And if some people are lucky enough to have a sensitive, attentive, and understanding partner, the rest of us can only dream about it. But what many people don't realize is that psychological compatibility doesn't happen immediately, suddenly, by itself, but must be nurtured and cultivated. You can wait forever for perfect princes, and the jokes about overripe princesses won't end until you understand the main thing: life will never live up to your expectations, it will just pass you by while you go over your imaginary claims about your ideal partner in your mind.
Author: Elena Berezhnaya
What is psychological compatibility and where to get it
Despite the continuing popularity of various compatibility tests, psychologists say that this is a myth and there is no perfect match.
Compatibility and deep understanding is always a lot of work together, and it's never too late to start if you value the relationship.
It would seem that it could be easier: if a need arises, just say it, convey your idea to the other person, because he is not clairvoyant enough to understand you without words.
But how seldom it happens. Only an infant can really claim to be so sensitive, because it is totally helpless and totally dependent on its mother, whose main task is precisely to sense and anticipate the needs of the infant. Without it, it just won't survive.
However, we are often surrounded by adults and quite sensible, at first sight, people who seriously believe that they deserve exactly this kind of all-understanding and all-forgiving attitude towards themselves. That is why manipulation, emotional blackmail, passive aggression and many other energy-consuming tricks are used.
And if the mechanism of communication is faulty, it must be repaired urgently. How to do it?
1. Avoid generalizations. In the heat of a quarrel there is a great temptation to generalize and stigmatize your partner on the basis of a single mistake, like "Oh, you are always so!.."But if you look around, it's not always, but only once, and then for a very specific reason, which you just need to look into. And don't forget to cleanse the common space of your own projections before you accuse your partner.
2. Say what you feel and express your needs. No one should guess what's in your heart. And hearing it personally from you, your partner will at least understand how his words and actions affect you, and he will not have to guess in suspense, what to prepare for (although many are used to this). Use self-messages. This is one of the most effective ways to prevent conflict, as it avoids the recriminations and accusations that often lurk in You-speak. In addition, a personal request or opinion is usually perceived more favorably by the interlocutor, and you have a better chance to be heard.
3. Take your share of responsibility for the relationship. Try taking the first step and listening to your partner. At first it is difficult, but when it becomes a habit, you will realize that it is worth it. You literally "unload" your partner, and it will be easier and more pleasant to deal with you. For example, if you lack tenderness, say so or try to express it yourself. Often the longing for tenderness and love masks our own repressed feelings, which many of us do not know how to express, expecting it from others. Well, it's never too late to learn.
And if some people are lucky enough to have a sensitive, attentive, and understanding partner, the rest of us can only dream about it. But what many people don't realize is that psychological compatibility doesn't happen immediately, suddenly, by itself, but must be nurtured and cultivated. You can wait forever for perfect princes, and the jokes about overripe princesses won't end until you understand the main thing: life will never live up to your expectations, it will just pass you by while you go over your imaginary claims about your ideal partner in your mind.
Author: Elena Berezhnaya